Meetings

I am pretty sure that I have ranted in the past about a lot of things that irk me, but I really want to take a minute to complain about why I hate meetings and am frustrated that so many entities I work with consider them essential. I am talking about work/planning related meetings- not the "hey friend, lets hang out" meetings.

What every meeting should have:
1. Refreshments- Don't make me sit in a room bored out of my mind with nothing to eat, that is just wrong. I think that I am going to boycott all meetings without snacks in the future.

2. A clear point- this goes beyond the mere "agenda" (although there should be some semblance of one of those too). I don't want to be in a room and have to hear what was talked about at the last 5 meetings and is still only somewhat relevant to anything else going on.

2.5 Regarding an agenda- Everyone (excluding the people listed in 5) should have a say in what the meeting is about. Items on the agenda should be the most pertinent items. Tins f time shouldn't be spent on things NOT on the agenda, cause time is precious.

3. A solid "leader"- whoever facilitates a meeting should see 1 & 2 as a given and act accordingly. They should avoid lengthy name dropping sessions, vague plans and projects that are only relevant to their interests, and boring everyone out of their minds.

4. An hour is usually enough- I do not ever recall a meeting that was longer then an hour because it really needed to be. With 2 hours it seems that people get lax the first hour, try to get somewhere the next half hour and then the final half hour is a mad rush to feel like something was accomplished to justify the time.

5. Some people should not be invited to physically attend- I am talking bout the ramblers and random tangent people, the bad joke tellers, the people that feel their individual concerns deserve attention in a group setting when they are not relevant to the group and should be discussed in a different meeting with only the concerned parties. We all know who they are, they are always present at meetings making the time go more slowly and awkwardly. These people have e-mails, send them the minutes after the fact- it will be less that has to be typed and read because of their absence.

Guaranteed ways to make me like meetings more:
5. Pay me specifically for the meeting time, so each minute can be thought of as a specific amount of $. So at the 5 minute mark when I know what I am in for I can start doing the math of how much change I am getting per minute, after 10 minutes, etc...
granted it is better if the amount is a good amount, to justify the time- but if it isn't a lot of dough, atleast you can grumble about all the things you would have rather done without receiving meager compensation at all to fuel your growing resentment.

4. Send an e-mail instead- preferably clearly labeled in a way that directs it to my spam filter.

3. Meetings should take place at a restaurants or happy hour situations.

2. A slight inebriation that works its way into giddiness will take the edge off bad financial news, boring details, and the fact that you don't like everyone present.

1. Fire Dancers