If I could make one change...

Well, if I had some magical power to change something about the world there would be so many great places to start: World peace, equality, equal distribution of wealth amongst all the worlds inhabitants, ending hunger, the end of capitalism... as they say in improv "Yes, AND..."

Now, on a much smaller and lesser scale, If I could change one thing about the work that I do... (outside of the obvious making more money so i could be debt free- damn student loans!)... I would abolish paperwork! I freaking hate paperwork. SO I am "off" this summer. Translation: rather than working at 7 jobs I am only working on a couple. However, that does not erase the fact that every organization that I work with gave me stacks of paperwork to fill out for the 08/09 school year. Criminal background checks, W-9s, I 99s, contracts, fill in every blank and tell us all about yourself forms, evaluations, curriculums, rubrics... So today, I sat down and committed to finishing my last pile, at least I think it was the last. (Well, until I get another one.) Not to mention I have just begun the process of looking into getting grants to publish my manuscript, which involves... you guessed it! Paperwork! Woo Hoo!

So I am looking for someone who LOVES to do paperwork, ooh and grade college essays and tests, and compile contact info and lists in a database, do mailings... you know all the really fun stuff like that. As far fetched as that request may seem, it feels more probable than getting my first list of requests fulfilled.

Actually, I want to make an addendum. Even though I hate the dreary monotony and wasted time involved in filling out forms, IF doing paperwork could end 'isms, create socio-political- economic equality, create peace and provide a better planet for all- I would do it full-time for the rest of my life. Which doesn't mean that I would do a 180 and love paperwork, but obviously as irritating as triplicate forms are, it can not compare to the tragedy of the planet's plight. For the good of people and the children I would make that sacrifice, cause that is the kind of person I am.

Being a Mother is a lot about Incentives

Outside my window I hear the clinking sound of metal scraping against metal, my son scraping the BBQ grill clean- for a price. I've learned that when I want something done, teenagers react well to $$$. It makes sense, part of the natural growth of our relationship I am sure. When they were little, simple things worked. For example, I could say to my daughter, "Yes we can watch Little Mermaid for the umpteenth time , once you pick up your toys." Or I could tell her that "dessert is for those who eat all their dinner," to get her to eat a few more vegetables. I think that for my son actually money has always been the most effective incentive consistently. (He's a capricorn)

So now I can look around the house at work that needs done, and I can look at the balance of my checking account and what I can spare, and then with those two pieces of information I make an offer. It's a give and take. So before my daughter and I headed off to Costco the other day to stock up the cabinets for the month, I asked my son to clean out the fridge before I got back. He did a fantastic job actually and it was super helpful. My daughter did some weeding and gardening the other day, and of course they have regular chores and allowance.

I guess my point is that I am starting to adjust to this whole, "my kids are no loner 'kids' they are teenagers fairly well. I just got to keep enough cash in my wallet and be willing to ply board games to help entertain them during their months off from the institutions of middle and high school. Our kitten is glad to have us around most days as well, and the house is starting to stay pretty organized (comparatively speaking in relation to its previous status).

On a totally different note, I decided to take clippers to my own hair yesterday and gave my self a semi mo-hawk. I know that eventually it will mean I have to cut my hair even shorter when I have to go back to work come September, but I am ok with that. I am not saying that I did a brilliant job, but I cut my own hair with clippers! No plugs in the back or the sides to show slip ups, although it isn't perfectly even either...
"Why?" you ask. Simply because I could. And I love rubbing the back of my mostly bald head for relaxation, and I really wanted to reclaim my own hair and be responsible for the shearing myself. I have shaved my own head since junior high- It felt really good actually- and I wasn't having some weird melt down moment or anything, I was just doing something that I have wanted to d for a long time.
ACCOMPLISHED! Maybe i will bleach it and die it blue next... hmm....

Meetings

I am pretty sure that I have ranted in the past about a lot of things that irk me, but I really want to take a minute to complain about why I hate meetings and am frustrated that so many entities I work with consider them essential. I am talking about work/planning related meetings- not the "hey friend, lets hang out" meetings.

What every meeting should have:
1. Refreshments- Don't make me sit in a room bored out of my mind with nothing to eat, that is just wrong. I think that I am going to boycott all meetings without snacks in the future.

2. A clear point- this goes beyond the mere "agenda" (although there should be some semblance of one of those too). I don't want to be in a room and have to hear what was talked about at the last 5 meetings and is still only somewhat relevant to anything else going on.

2.5 Regarding an agenda- Everyone (excluding the people listed in 5) should have a say in what the meeting is about. Items on the agenda should be the most pertinent items. Tins f time shouldn't be spent on things NOT on the agenda, cause time is precious.

3. A solid "leader"- whoever facilitates a meeting should see 1 & 2 as a given and act accordingly. They should avoid lengthy name dropping sessions, vague plans and projects that are only relevant to their interests, and boring everyone out of their minds.

4. An hour is usually enough- I do not ever recall a meeting that was longer then an hour because it really needed to be. With 2 hours it seems that people get lax the first hour, try to get somewhere the next half hour and then the final half hour is a mad rush to feel like something was accomplished to justify the time.

5. Some people should not be invited to physically attend- I am talking bout the ramblers and random tangent people, the bad joke tellers, the people that feel their individual concerns deserve attention in a group setting when they are not relevant to the group and should be discussed in a different meeting with only the concerned parties. We all know who they are, they are always present at meetings making the time go more slowly and awkwardly. These people have e-mails, send them the minutes after the fact- it will be less that has to be typed and read because of their absence.

Guaranteed ways to make me like meetings more:
5. Pay me specifically for the meeting time, so each minute can be thought of as a specific amount of $. So at the 5 minute mark when I know what I am in for I can start doing the math of how much change I am getting per minute, after 10 minutes, etc...
granted it is better if the amount is a good amount, to justify the time- but if it isn't a lot of dough, atleast you can grumble about all the things you would have rather done without receiving meager compensation at all to fuel your growing resentment.

4. Send an e-mail instead- preferably clearly labeled in a way that directs it to my spam filter.

3. Meetings should take place at a restaurants or happy hour situations.

2. A slight inebriation that works its way into giddiness will take the edge off bad financial news, boring details, and the fact that you don't like everyone present.

1. Fire Dancers

defeated (temporary title)

defeated
written by Turiya

the product of my emotions, my love,
should be the one thing I can control
the how, the when, the why, the where, the who
but my love has a mind of her own
she breaks free from my heart and flies reckless
believing herself immortal and unscathed by defeat

my love is a trouble maker caught wet handed playing doctor
stitching wounds together with similes
her antiseptic tears sterilizing the emptiness
hoping distraction will hide the lack of anesthesia
and the depth of rejection wounds

she places everything on the line
an unlucky chronic gambler
wagering a pair is enough
to bring victory in a world of shadows
and unfair deals

my love is a foreigner in her homeland
exposed, inside out, mangled under the traffic of progress
unwanted, abandoned, left stranded
without proper luggage for the journey
and no spare dimes

my love fades like a whisper and forgotten memories
a face I thought I knew but no longer remember
an eastern horizon vanished
sweet optimism drowned in the wake
of being unable to return

my love wants what she cannot have
acts diplomatic while waging internal wars
impales herself on her own vulnerability
surrenders after barely fighting
unsure of what she believes

she’s wearing too small shoes
and dreams too large to carry
and everything unclaimed that wasn’t hers to begin with
unsure how to let go of anything
without losing herself

Reflecting on the School Year

I was sitting around on this sunny Sunday thinking about how, in a few weeks, the school year will end and I will actually have down time. YAY for me! Now there are still a few more engagements on my calendar, but most of my workshops and performances will wind down in the next week or two, and come mid June I will have submitted my grades for my college classes, and I am off for a lot of the summer- something I haven't done in years. Needless to say, I am excited about the prospect of summer off.

So, seeing as how I love math so much, I thought that I would try to figure out about how many students, that I have worked with/ performed for over the year, from Summer Camp until now. And surprisingly, the number was almost 3,000. Kinda crazy when you think about it really. That includes assemblies, workshops, university classes, etc... most were youth, however a small percentage of my offerings also included adults. This year I focused my work on schools rather than performing for grown ups, which was really rewarding for me but possibly sad for all the adults who were wondering when they would get to see me on the stage again.

Some people think I have dropped off or disappeared, but I have just entered into the school arena more. I prefer that for so many reasons, no smoky bars and drunken loud folks talking smack (not that every student is always sober, or that none of them smoke cigarettes...), no late nights... So instead I have worked with students from 11 specific k-12 schools, and through conferences and other happenings have also worked with students from countless other schools throughout the region. Pretty cool when I think about it actually, all those young minds under my influence for varying amounts of time. Don't worry, I am using my gifts for good, attempting to inspire and motivate folks through poetic verse and creative writing.

If this year's work was 3,000 I wonder what that number would look like if I could do the math for the last 10 years. I don't think that this year represents a higher number than previous years, especially ones where I performed more publicly, went on tour, went out of town more, etc... but let's just say that was the average. That would mean over 30,000 people, (which I think is a low estimate, since it doesn't account for touring or huge shows...)! Wow- watch out world. Each one teach one they say... I'm going for 100,000 or more! How's that for ambition!

I may not have a lot of grown up friends (cause I am a little bit of a homebody outside of work), but chances are high if you live in my town or nearby that someone you know who's in 4th/5th grade, middle school, or high school has seen me over the past few years. I had a couple of high school students in one workshop series this term who I had worked with back they were in elementary school.

So if you were to ask me what I was most proud of, other than obviously my two amazing children who I love dearly, I would have to say the scope of my work. See, I am not trying to take over the world, but helping empower the youth to be ready for the inevitable task of taking the reigns.

Spring Break or "Hail yes!" (it's an Oregon story)

So I decided to make time for a brief family retreat during Spring Break. There is an amazing inn that I stayed at, while at the coast in Fall doing a residency, that i fell in love with. I figured this would be a great excuse to return to my home away from home spot on the coast. (see my post "Inspired by my trip to the oregon coast" from October 07).

I knew the weather wouldn't be great, it is Oregon after all, but the day we were leaving it was snowing in Portland. Then all the days we have been here there have been bouts of hail. Piles of little icy balls covering the ground, pelting folks on the head, scratching paint on cars. When I think of Spring and the beach and vacation- I don't usually include ice chunks falling from the sky in that vision. But I cannot control the weather, I can only choose to go outside or stay in. Fortunately with our very cozy lodgings, staying in isn't too bad.

Now, a great amount of my youth, I lived walking distance from central california beaches. So my love and appreciation for the ocean is vast, however since Oregon beaches are much colder I don't go jumping in the water. My children on the other hand are a whole other story- their crazy selves not only jumped in the water the 1st and 2nd day we were here... they insisted on going again this evening while storm clouds covered the daylight with gray and the wind howled. Watching the ominous clouds grow nearer, I wondered how long the 15 minutes I had promised them would last. Wearing jeans, leg warmers hidden underneath, a thermal shirt, a sweatshirt, a coat, and a hat pulled down to cover my ears, I could feel the cold ripping through me. Meanwhile my two teens were frolicking in the surf as if the sun hadn't disappeared, as if the temperature reflected summer not winter giddily laughing and chasing each other. I watched the clouds come in closer and darken.

Reluctantly they left the waves after 15 minutes, and finally admitted that yes, they were cold. As we climbed the beach access stairs to return to the car, the rain came along with hail. Hail hurts. But we did get out of town for a hot minute, my children got to be at the beach, we've eaten well and had good moments, and for that I am truly thankful.

I would really love to write a blog

a beautiful meandering blog
a blog that took you, the reader, on epic journeys through lanscapes of literary creativity
prancing ponies, singing petunias and stardust sprinkles
ripped flags of rebellion and burnt apple pie laments on reality
that kind of blog that causes thought at magnitudes far exceeding "deep"

i'd be that inspirational blog
an entry compelling each who comes across it to blog themselves
one that instigates, moves- changes the face of misery to abundant joy
text of tomorrow, a world crafted anew by a pen stroke
that glorious masterpiece unrivaled, groundbreaking, called simply "brilliant"
the kind of blog that examines the open heart then stitches it back together

if i could only write a blog