When my computer crashed I was at an all-time height of productivity. I started a facebook account, I was updating everything, blogging, making and finding friends in the virtual terrain. Then it happened, like a swift icy smack in the face of all my efforts. Words cannot describe the sensation fully.
Its seismic impact ripped holes in my file, rendering my technological landscape of hard work into a ragged disaster of unorganized chaos. Slowly, I am making my way through the rubble in an attempt to resurrect and recreate that which isn't lost forever.
Photos- many are gone, with no hope of retrieval.
Music- my itunes library is but a shell of empty references to the songs (approximately 3500) and albums that used to be there. Sure most are on my ipod, but my ability to sync and add is stunted until I figure out how to remedy it.
Website- sure it is still online as it was when I last updated it before the crash, but the files that I built and published from are no longer in my software program, which means I have to rebuild my website from the ground up before I can publish any changes. To publish it now, would erase what is currently on-line.
Files- I recovered the most important things, my thesis/ manuscript and work saved before April of 08. But the gap between then and now- gone.
This is why I haven't been blogging.
This is why the calendar on the website is growing stale.
This is why, after all my progress over the last couple of years temporarily halted.
Yesterday I started rebuilding my website. It has a lot of pages, a lot of links, a lot of files. What I have saved from 08 are random pieces saved in weird formats from it being published, not all of them translate over correctly and it is frustrating since I no longer have all of those photos and files on my computer. Some things I can cut and paste, but it is slow going.
I still like my laptop, but the glowing 2 year honeymoon "love" phase is over. I have doubts now, fears, phobias, caution and a sense of hesitancy. Will it betray me again? Like the love interest who is initially perfect, then starts making crude jokes, acting a mess, leaving trails of disfunction and you wonder, "how did I not see this before?" You can't go back to the way it was, instead you have to find ways to forgive, forget and/or move forward. All "F" words, which ironically also starts the curse word that keep coming to mind as I try to make order out of the chaos.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
YAY for electricity!
Just wanted to mention that we now have our power back, and are no longer frozen and huddled in front of the fireplace with our frozen goods buried outside in the snow. So tonight I am thankful for the hardworking folks who have been all over the place trying to restore electricity. Thanks to them for getting to our neighborhood today!
Just when you thought the worst was over..
So I woke up yesterday all ready to at least get started on my list of twenty things to do... (See previous post) I head to the bathroom, flick the light switch- no light. Now we have weird electrical stuff in our house that causes strange things to happen with light bulbs, so at first I was just irritated about having to replace light bulbs.... As I g through the rest of the house I notice everything is off- no time in the microwave, no kids at the Xbox, no tv droning. At first, I wasn't too upset- usually we may be without for an hour or so, I hoped this would be one of those situations. When I realized that meant I had no internet I was a little more upset, but I pulled it together. That is what grown folks do.
Hours passed. No electricity. I buried our frozen food in plastic bags in the backyard snow. Being stocked with food isn't so helpful when you can't use the oven, the microwave or a burner. No information about why there was no power or when we would get some. It got dark. We read Harry Potter 7 by the fire light. We were bored, cold and only slightly full from PB & J, the only logical thing left to do was to bundle up, fall asleep, and hope that waking in the morning would usher in a new day with electricity.
The plan failed.
First off Ekela and I woke up only to realize it was merely 11pm and even colder since we had let the fire die out so it wouldn't be going while we slept. We restarted the fire to warm up and read more Harry Potter to each other. Altogether we read 100pp of the book yesterday during both of our stints. On the plus side I can at least say that we read scary stories. The Deathly Hallows is pretty grim. At about 2am we let the fire die down and went back to sleep, cause we knew we had to get up early for our dentist appointments today. Apparently snow doesn't deter the mailman, or our dentist.
Secondly we wake up at 7am and there is still no power! I am pretty sure it was colder in our house that it was outside. We layered our clothes and made the trek to the bus stop to get to the dentists as close to 8:30 as we could muster with the buses being inconsistent. I figured that since we saw PGE crews in our neighborhood, we would come home to power, and life would resume in a fairly normal way for our family of four suffering from varying degrees of cabin fever. We get home and our block looks as unlit as it did when we left.
No updates, no new info on the power outage. I have officially cancelled Christmas at my house. (I am not a big holiday person anyway, so I have been trying to avoid the added consumerism of the season for years, and now I finally get my wish I guess.) Please let the power return so that I can boil water and eat a cup o noodle. These are the things I wish for, the simple pleasures. I have enjoyed the tv and screens being off throughout the house though, yay for quality family time, but once it gets dark there is only so much you can really do by candlelight without being a fire hazard.
Hours passed. No electricity. I buried our frozen food in plastic bags in the backyard snow. Being stocked with food isn't so helpful when you can't use the oven, the microwave or a burner. No information about why there was no power or when we would get some. It got dark. We read Harry Potter 7 by the fire light. We were bored, cold and only slightly full from PB & J, the only logical thing left to do was to bundle up, fall asleep, and hope that waking in the morning would usher in a new day with electricity.
The plan failed.
First off Ekela and I woke up only to realize it was merely 11pm and even colder since we had let the fire die out so it wouldn't be going while we slept. We restarted the fire to warm up and read more Harry Potter to each other. Altogether we read 100pp of the book yesterday during both of our stints. On the plus side I can at least say that we read scary stories. The Deathly Hallows is pretty grim. At about 2am we let the fire die down and went back to sleep, cause we knew we had to get up early for our dentist appointments today. Apparently snow doesn't deter the mailman, or our dentist.
Secondly we wake up at 7am and there is still no power! I am pretty sure it was colder in our house that it was outside. We layered our clothes and made the trek to the bus stop to get to the dentists as close to 8:30 as we could muster with the buses being inconsistent. I figured that since we saw PGE crews in our neighborhood, we would come home to power, and life would resume in a fairly normal way for our family of four suffering from varying degrees of cabin fever. We get home and our block looks as unlit as it did when we left.
No updates, no new info on the power outage. I have officially cancelled Christmas at my house. (I am not a big holiday person anyway, so I have been trying to avoid the added consumerism of the season for years, and now I finally get my wish I guess.) Please let the power return so that I can boil water and eat a cup o noodle. These are the things I wish for, the simple pleasures. I have enjoyed the tv and screens being off throughout the house though, yay for quality family time, but once it gets dark there is only so much you can really do by candlelight without being a fire hazard.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
List of things I am going to do... starting tomorrow.
I realize that the snow is attempting to put me into a state of hibernation and lethargy. However, in order to be proactive, I am going to make a list of things that I will work on if I am snowed in AGAIN tomorrow, and/or other days throughout the week(s). This "not having a plan" method has meant a lot of ennui and slackerdom, and while that is cool for a day (or possibly two or three) something must be done.
This list will consist of things that are both indoor and outdoor, so that there is no excuse for me to not do at least some of the items each day of frozen-ness.
1. Go to the store- I have groceries so we will survive, but this will be a step in making other things on this list possible.
2. Bake some stuff- I have a cookie/baking cookbook and I am going to pick a couple things out of it and make them.
3. Do an art project(s)
4. Train my cat to do a trick.
5. Play drums only on hard in Rock Band.
6. Snow photo shoot part II
7. Write letters. (Even better, mail out the cards I meant to mail back in September to folks I saw during August in California!)
8. Alphabetize my roommate's 1000 or so comic books.
9. Catalogue my five shelves of books.
10. Make a costume for my cat and have a tea party.
11. Tell a scary story while illuminating only part of my face with a flashlight.
12. E-mail 20 people personalized notes to see how long it takes folks to get back to me.
13. Call at least 5 family members and wish them happy holidays.
14. Walk someplace where I can get drink and maybe try my luck at a game of video gambling in hopes of striking it rich.
15. See if a bus ever comes and go downtown to take pictures of Portland Winter Wonderland.
16. Make a snow day zine with the kids.
17. Sew some of the curtains that I have been meaning to finish.
18. Request 20 more friends via myspace and/or faccebook.
19. Experiment in Garage Band and make a tune or at least record an acapella poem or something.
20. Make a movie using my digital camera that has a video feature.
Well, I'd better make sure and get some rest since I am exhausted from all this barely doing anything business. Let's see what tomorrow will bring! I will keep the blog world informed of my progress!
This list will consist of things that are both indoor and outdoor, so that there is no excuse for me to not do at least some of the items each day of frozen-ness.
1. Go to the store- I have groceries so we will survive, but this will be a step in making other things on this list possible.
2. Bake some stuff- I have a cookie/baking cookbook and I am going to pick a couple things out of it and make them.
3. Do an art project(s)
4. Train my cat to do a trick.
5. Play drums only on hard in Rock Band.
6. Snow photo shoot part II
7. Write letters. (Even better, mail out the cards I meant to mail back in September to folks I saw during August in California!)
8. Alphabetize my roommate's 1000 or so comic books.
9. Catalogue my five shelves of books.
10. Make a costume for my cat and have a tea party.
11. Tell a scary story while illuminating only part of my face with a flashlight.
12. E-mail 20 people personalized notes to see how long it takes folks to get back to me.
13. Call at least 5 family members and wish them happy holidays.
14. Walk someplace where I can get drink and maybe try my luck at a game of video gambling in hopes of striking it rich.
15. See if a bus ever comes and go downtown to take pictures of Portland Winter Wonderland.
16. Make a snow day zine with the kids.
17. Sew some of the curtains that I have been meaning to finish.
18. Request 20 more friends via myspace and/or faccebook.
19. Experiment in Garage Band and make a tune or at least record an acapella poem or something.
20. Make a movie using my digital camera that has a video feature.
Well, I'd better make sure and get some rest since I am exhausted from all this barely doing anything business. Let's see what tomorrow will bring! I will keep the blog world informed of my progress!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
In the Wake of Proposition 8
Travelling through facebook I happened across a discussion started by Damali Ayo regarding interviews with Sean Penn and Josh Brolin on Charlie Rose and some problematic things that the actors said. Conversation threads also included race and religion's impact on the outcome in the voting on Prop 8 in California. In the interview (which I just watched online), Brolin said he was researching voting and demographics after the vote on the proposition and then spoke about African American and Latino voters impact. As if they were the main factor, as if race and sexuality are mutually exclusive and people of color aren't part of the GLBTQ community and its activism, and as if he is somehow in an intellectual position to speak about communities of color while not bothering to address white homophobia.
Needless to say it sparked interesting responses.
Issues of human rights and access are serious, and it frightens me that more aren't outraged by the reality of the implications of legalized and voter approved discrimination. So I wrote something in response to the topic and I thought that I would also post it here too, because more than ever we must speak out on that which is unjust. Silence is complicity.
Here's what I posted:
I think we need to analyze the proposition press feedback on the level of its intentions: division and deception. By placing blame on folks of color, and stereotyping them as church going homophobes, it erases culpability of the white heterosexist patriarchy. This same so-called democracy which says church and state are supposedly separate, yet through extensive campaign investment a specific religious org. (Mormon leadership based out of state) was able to influence taking away people's rights. If the only argument against something is "religious" based, that alone should render it null and void if state and religion are separate.
And in regards to the Bible and Jesus, what is written and followed and preached and absorbed, is filtered through a King who clearly wouldn't be inclined to nurture rebellion and disobedience and instructed translators to make the appropriate adjustments and omissions. They even erased Jesus' melanin! So we cannot blindly assume the text truly represents accurately the teachings of the visionaries, revolutionaries, historians, teachers, and community leaders who inspire people throughout time to rise up against oppression and be better people.
The inner and outward aspects revolution are ancient. The personal transformation internally into higher states of consciousness and awareness so we can impact more positively our circles/communities and the wider world. And the external aspects of challenging individuals and the systems of greed, industry and systems of power, which are designed to privilege the few over the needs and rights of the masses of people.
With all that said, this should be a wake up call where disenfranchised folks from various communities are reminded that more than ever our solidarity and unity based on mutual respect for each other's inalienable human rights is where we will find our strength.
"If they come for us at night, they will come for you in the morning."
One aim, one struggle- for human rights and self-determination, and a healthy planet.
Needless to say it sparked interesting responses.
Issues of human rights and access are serious, and it frightens me that more aren't outraged by the reality of the implications of legalized and voter approved discrimination. So I wrote something in response to the topic and I thought that I would also post it here too, because more than ever we must speak out on that which is unjust. Silence is complicity.
Here's what I posted:
I think we need to analyze the proposition press feedback on the level of its intentions: division and deception. By placing blame on folks of color, and stereotyping them as church going homophobes, it erases culpability of the white heterosexist patriarchy. This same so-called democracy which says church and state are supposedly separate, yet through extensive campaign investment a specific religious org. (Mormon leadership based out of state) was able to influence taking away people's rights. If the only argument against something is "religious" based, that alone should render it null and void if state and religion are separate.
And in regards to the Bible and Jesus, what is written and followed and preached and absorbed, is filtered through a King who clearly wouldn't be inclined to nurture rebellion and disobedience and instructed translators to make the appropriate adjustments and omissions. They even erased Jesus' melanin! So we cannot blindly assume the text truly represents accurately the teachings of the visionaries, revolutionaries, historians, teachers, and community leaders who inspire people throughout time to rise up against oppression and be better people.
The inner and outward aspects revolution are ancient. The personal transformation internally into higher states of consciousness and awareness so we can impact more positively our circles/communities and the wider world. And the external aspects of challenging individuals and the systems of greed, industry and systems of power, which are designed to privilege the few over the needs and rights of the masses of people.
With all that said, this should be a wake up call where disenfranchised folks from various communities are reminded that more than ever our solidarity and unity based on mutual respect for each other's inalienable human rights is where we will find our strength.
"If they come for us at night, they will come for you in the morning."
One aim, one struggle- for human rights and self-determination, and a healthy planet.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Barbershop Adventure
I cut my own hair sometimes. I figure why wait on an appointment, when I can handle it myself?! Sure it is near impossible to hold a mirror in one hand and clippers in the other while contorting your body for a better view, but I do it anyway. I can be pissed off and powerful, command the change I want to see in my hair in minutes, all with mixed results. The grip slips. A muscle twitches. A blade is held too close. One acquires an imperfect cut, but the scruffy excess length is gone, buying more days of tolerance.
But Friday I did something bold, and different. I walked into the spot I have known of for years but never before entered, the barbershop near campus, on a Friday and there are no appointments taken, only walk ins. I am 5th in line, not counting the brother in the chair. I have other things to do but determination kicks in and I decide to sit and wait. The mission: to undo the havoc I have wreaked upon my hair, which didn't really "grow out in a week".
A world of men cycling through a transformation before the weekend gets started. Several are former students of mine from various classes, only one other person has never been there before like me. He came with a friend. The crowd grows. Some walk out, only to lose their spot in the rotation of folks making their way in and out of the chair. Men come in a little rough on the edges, a bit unkempt then after some time under P's skillful hands they come out polished. Scraping out the features of their faces, with the subtle shaping of chops, the crisp line of a fade, the definition in a goattee that frames the chin, he sculpts them anew.
Fascinating.
The topic hovers around sports. And I am fairly disinterested in sports, and talk of sports, and the athletes that are involved in the sports everybody talks about. YAWN! But this was a study in masculine space in one of its purest forms, rooted in folks (predominately Black and folks of color) congregating. Which was probably why I stayed, even though I knew it would be well over an hour before I got in the chair. THIS is where we are! How could I walk out on a predominately Black hang out spot where folks were shooting the sh@$ while biding their time. And the satellite radio mix was playing an hour of straight Prince cuts, so I was in no hurry to leave. You know I love me some Prince. I felt like I was home, in the sense of home being wherever family happens to be at.
I didn't waste time being other than myself, but I was really flattered when the guys made it clear that they were on better behavior due to my presence. I assured them that I had seen and heard it all before, but they were totally respectful. Luckily the man-with-the-million and one-ways-to-fade remembered me from events on campus. Generally he doesn't cut women's hair except in a few scenarios- his wife, a sister on the b-ball team, and today me.
I assure him that I just want him to line me up and perhaps trim off some length on the top. Then I give him the space to do what he does for a living, he's the expert. With the lines of people waiting on his skill, and as a witness, I am a believer. More arrive while I am in the chair, so I am clearly not alone. I am the newcomer to this shop. A space tied to generations of tradition. A cool way to spend an afternoon, not to mention he did a fantastic job.
But Friday I did something bold, and different. I walked into the spot I have known of for years but never before entered, the barbershop near campus, on a Friday and there are no appointments taken, only walk ins. I am 5th in line, not counting the brother in the chair. I have other things to do but determination kicks in and I decide to sit and wait. The mission: to undo the havoc I have wreaked upon my hair, which didn't really "grow out in a week".
A world of men cycling through a transformation before the weekend gets started. Several are former students of mine from various classes, only one other person has never been there before like me. He came with a friend. The crowd grows. Some walk out, only to lose their spot in the rotation of folks making their way in and out of the chair. Men come in a little rough on the edges, a bit unkempt then after some time under P's skillful hands they come out polished. Scraping out the features of their faces, with the subtle shaping of chops, the crisp line of a fade, the definition in a goattee that frames the chin, he sculpts them anew.
Fascinating.
The topic hovers around sports. And I am fairly disinterested in sports, and talk of sports, and the athletes that are involved in the sports everybody talks about. YAWN! But this was a study in masculine space in one of its purest forms, rooted in folks (predominately Black and folks of color) congregating. Which was probably why I stayed, even though I knew it would be well over an hour before I got in the chair. THIS is where we are! How could I walk out on a predominately Black hang out spot where folks were shooting the sh@$ while biding their time. And the satellite radio mix was playing an hour of straight Prince cuts, so I was in no hurry to leave. You know I love me some Prince. I felt like I was home, in the sense of home being wherever family happens to be at.
I didn't waste time being other than myself, but I was really flattered when the guys made it clear that they were on better behavior due to my presence. I assured them that I had seen and heard it all before, but they were totally respectful. Luckily the man-with-the-million and one-ways-to-fade remembered me from events on campus. Generally he doesn't cut women's hair except in a few scenarios- his wife, a sister on the b-ball team, and today me.
I assure him that I just want him to line me up and perhaps trim off some length on the top. Then I give him the space to do what he does for a living, he's the expert. With the lines of people waiting on his skill, and as a witness, I am a believer. More arrive while I am in the chair, so I am clearly not alone. I am the newcomer to this shop. A space tied to generations of tradition. A cool way to spend an afternoon, not to mention he did a fantastic job.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
portland... portland... where for art thou portland?
A letter to my city:
Portland, I don't understand you.
I throw you a FREE, all-ages hip-hop show, at a centrally located space, at a respectable hour even, with great performers and where are you? Several dozen people (who were amazing and clearly made a good choice on how to spend their evening) rolled through- but where were you city?
People said it was the rain... This is Portland! If we are going to use rain as a reason to not do anything, we might as well not bother ever leaving the house. This is the wetlands, rain is always a 50/50 possibility at the least in a town like this. Isn't Seattle the ONLY city with more precipitation?! (This is a guess, I have not consulted any official sources on this one yet.) We aren't in some desert city and the rain is so out of the ordinary that everything shuts down, i mean it wasn't a snow day or something!
Luckily the super cool people made it. Some former students (not surprisingly students who did well and clearly have good heads on their shoulders, cause they knew the show Walidah and I put on was the place to be. Thank you Francisco and Grace and Alex). Some co-workers with arts education that I work with made it after long days of youth work. (Greg, I know it wasn't easy getting out after a rough day. And two of them even brought some of their youth groups with them! YAY Mareya and BeUtee! Cause the young people were a blast to have there! We even gave them CDs and t-shirts as momentos cause their energy was so on point and they were so excited. Way to represent United Voices and HB LEE!) Some people even crawled out of the 503 woodwork, friends who I haven't seen in ages brought friends and/or family which was great, so great in fact I even hung out with an old buddy i hadn't seen in years after for a couple of hours, and you know how I don't always go that post event social route these days. (Great to kick it Ken, more of that! Darlene how do you manage to get more beautiful every time I see you? Deena, you never cease to amaze me either and you are one of my inspirations, i mean how many times have we held it down on a dance floor in this town?) And, I even met some new cool people last night too. (yay to the new folks!)
But, if you weren't there, where were you?
I feel like Daffy Duck in those scenes when he would be competing with Bugs for crowd appreciation, only to get the sound of crickets and no applause. So finally, desperately he pulls his (literally) end all beat all stunt/trick out of the hat and combusts or something. Then as his animated ghost self is rising from the stage he hears what he has longed for... a room full of adulation and a standing ovation. I am no Daffy Duck, nor am I planning some suicidal poetic moment, nor am I saying that I personally want to be the center of the city's attention. I am just saying that I understand how Daffy felt, all charred and covered in the scent of smoke just wanting folks to appreciate.
Portland, you have almost a million people, and I just wanted to see like 200-250. Why hast thou forsaken me? For over a decade I have bent over backwards like a contortionist attempting the difficult task of getting folks from around the country, as well as other points on the globe, to bring themselves here for the benefit of Portlanders. Tried so hard to make this a place people also consider on their tours, rather than just bouncing from Seattle to the Bay. Walidah, myself, and countless other local artists have put our blood sweat and tears into helping make this city more artistically endowed, through our performances as well as by bringing others into the NW to share stages. For the show last night, Walidah and I did the most advertising, most e-mailing, most texting, most flyer distro, most word of mouth with the longest amount of lead time, and still it was not enough!
Portland, I will continue to live here, until I move somewhere else, but I am truly disappointed in you. Yes, I will still perform and teach- but it will be awhile before I attempt to organize another tour for out of town folks here, or even organize a local event (unless it is youth specific with the organizations I work with).
Eugene, I expect you will do better this evening. Seattle, you proved yourself beyond worthy of receiving talent both local and national at Ladies First. But Portland, I can no longer recommend you, as a city, to my artist friends. The next time I will just have a house party concert and invite only the cool people, (like those I mentioned above) and not everyone via several mediums. So then afterwards, those 999,900 people who flaked, only to realize or hear later what they missed, can at the least have the valid excuse of not being invited.
Portland, when all your artists get salty and flee leaving this "sustainable" town with less vibrance and personality, where will you be? You will have your amazing public transportation, but no evening performances of independent hip-hop. You will have your green trees and scenic rivers, but no painters or photographers to show that beauty to the world. You will have your space age looking tram, but no poets. Your unemployment will continue to rise, your children will continue to have the shortest school-year in the country, but what will folks do in their free time if the artists flee and no longer provide affordable ways to spend a day? The rain will still fall, the sun will still rise and set, the buildings downtown will still refuse to match- and what will the city be without its heart?
Because I am a loving artist, I will give this town another chance to prove itself.
Two in fact, so don't let me down! The future of the city depends on it, cause if the good sista is salty and gets past the point of forgiveness, what then? Bad Sista squared? Only smack downs with no hugs and support to make the pain fade faster? Portland, I have put up with you for 14 years, and what have i asked for beyond what I have been given? I asked for health benefits, you denied me. I asked for an income that was livable, no luck with that. I asked for more diverse demographics and you seem hell-bent on pushing brown folks outside of your borders into gresham and beaverton and points further out. I asked for attendance at an event, that is FREE, and yet you don't send me your masses, your tired of whack radio so called "hip-hop" who yearn to be set free.
Don't make me lay down my poetic torch and stop sharing the light of local and national artists with yall. Represent, so I can speak highly of you again. Please don't be that person messing it up for everybody else!
Bring yourself to the following and i will forgive you, yet again:
Fri., Nov. 14th, 2008
Screening of the independent film Machetero
7 p.m.
www.machetero-movie.com
starring Not4Prophet from X-Vandals
Laughing Horse Bookstore
12 NE 10th Ave
Portland
Screening will be followed by Q&A with Not4Prophet and Director Vagabond.
HELLO! We brought you the director AND the lead actor of the film!
Nov. 15th, 2008
Mic Crenshaw's CD Release
8 p.m.
Blue Monk
3341 SW Belmont
Portland
Cost TBA
Featuring: Mic Crenshaw, Hungry Mob, X-Vandals, DJ Gen.Erik, Good Sista/Bad Sista, and more
It's Mic fricken Crenshaw. He's releasing his solo CD, and X-vandals will be supporting it all the way from the east coast! What reason could you possibly have for not coming!? Or atleast telling a friend to come? (If you have an emergency, illness or otherwise valid excuse for not being able to attend, like you live in Baltimore or Connecticut.)
Otherwise,
I expect to see you there!
Portland, I don't understand you.
I throw you a FREE, all-ages hip-hop show, at a centrally located space, at a respectable hour even, with great performers and where are you? Several dozen people (who were amazing and clearly made a good choice on how to spend their evening) rolled through- but where were you city?
People said it was the rain... This is Portland! If we are going to use rain as a reason to not do anything, we might as well not bother ever leaving the house. This is the wetlands, rain is always a 50/50 possibility at the least in a town like this. Isn't Seattle the ONLY city with more precipitation?! (This is a guess, I have not consulted any official sources on this one yet.) We aren't in some desert city and the rain is so out of the ordinary that everything shuts down, i mean it wasn't a snow day or something!
Luckily the super cool people made it. Some former students (not surprisingly students who did well and clearly have good heads on their shoulders, cause they knew the show Walidah and I put on was the place to be. Thank you Francisco and Grace and Alex). Some co-workers with arts education that I work with made it after long days of youth work. (Greg, I know it wasn't easy getting out after a rough day. And two of them even brought some of their youth groups with them! YAY Mareya and BeUtee! Cause the young people were a blast to have there! We even gave them CDs and t-shirts as momentos cause their energy was so on point and they were so excited. Way to represent United Voices and HB LEE!) Some people even crawled out of the 503 woodwork, friends who I haven't seen in ages brought friends and/or family which was great, so great in fact I even hung out with an old buddy i hadn't seen in years after for a couple of hours, and you know how I don't always go that post event social route these days. (Great to kick it Ken, more of that! Darlene how do you manage to get more beautiful every time I see you? Deena, you never cease to amaze me either and you are one of my inspirations, i mean how many times have we held it down on a dance floor in this town?) And, I even met some new cool people last night too. (yay to the new folks!)
But, if you weren't there, where were you?
I feel like Daffy Duck in those scenes when he would be competing with Bugs for crowd appreciation, only to get the sound of crickets and no applause. So finally, desperately he pulls his (literally) end all beat all stunt/trick out of the hat and combusts or something. Then as his animated ghost self is rising from the stage he hears what he has longed for... a room full of adulation and a standing ovation. I am no Daffy Duck, nor am I planning some suicidal poetic moment, nor am I saying that I personally want to be the center of the city's attention. I am just saying that I understand how Daffy felt, all charred and covered in the scent of smoke just wanting folks to appreciate.
Portland, you have almost a million people, and I just wanted to see like 200-250. Why hast thou forsaken me? For over a decade I have bent over backwards like a contortionist attempting the difficult task of getting folks from around the country, as well as other points on the globe, to bring themselves here for the benefit of Portlanders. Tried so hard to make this a place people also consider on their tours, rather than just bouncing from Seattle to the Bay. Walidah, myself, and countless other local artists have put our blood sweat and tears into helping make this city more artistically endowed, through our performances as well as by bringing others into the NW to share stages. For the show last night, Walidah and I did the most advertising, most e-mailing, most texting, most flyer distro, most word of mouth with the longest amount of lead time, and still it was not enough!
Portland, I will continue to live here, until I move somewhere else, but I am truly disappointed in you. Yes, I will still perform and teach- but it will be awhile before I attempt to organize another tour for out of town folks here, or even organize a local event (unless it is youth specific with the organizations I work with).
Eugene, I expect you will do better this evening. Seattle, you proved yourself beyond worthy of receiving talent both local and national at Ladies First. But Portland, I can no longer recommend you, as a city, to my artist friends. The next time I will just have a house party concert and invite only the cool people, (like those I mentioned above) and not everyone via several mediums. So then afterwards, those 999,900 people who flaked, only to realize or hear later what they missed, can at the least have the valid excuse of not being invited.
Portland, when all your artists get salty and flee leaving this "sustainable" town with less vibrance and personality, where will you be? You will have your amazing public transportation, but no evening performances of independent hip-hop. You will have your green trees and scenic rivers, but no painters or photographers to show that beauty to the world. You will have your space age looking tram, but no poets. Your unemployment will continue to rise, your children will continue to have the shortest school-year in the country, but what will folks do in their free time if the artists flee and no longer provide affordable ways to spend a day? The rain will still fall, the sun will still rise and set, the buildings downtown will still refuse to match- and what will the city be without its heart?
Because I am a loving artist, I will give this town another chance to prove itself.
Two in fact, so don't let me down! The future of the city depends on it, cause if the good sista is salty and gets past the point of forgiveness, what then? Bad Sista squared? Only smack downs with no hugs and support to make the pain fade faster? Portland, I have put up with you for 14 years, and what have i asked for beyond what I have been given? I asked for health benefits, you denied me. I asked for an income that was livable, no luck with that. I asked for more diverse demographics and you seem hell-bent on pushing brown folks outside of your borders into gresham and beaverton and points further out. I asked for attendance at an event, that is FREE, and yet you don't send me your masses, your tired of whack radio so called "hip-hop" who yearn to be set free.
Don't make me lay down my poetic torch and stop sharing the light of local and national artists with yall. Represent, so I can speak highly of you again. Please don't be that person messing it up for everybody else!
Bring yourself to the following and i will forgive you, yet again:
Fri., Nov. 14th, 2008
Screening of the independent film Machetero
7 p.m.
www.machetero-movie.com
starring Not4Prophet from X-Vandals
Laughing Horse Bookstore
12 NE 10th Ave
Portland
Screening will be followed by Q&A with Not4Prophet and Director Vagabond.
HELLO! We brought you the director AND the lead actor of the film!
Nov. 15th, 2008
Mic Crenshaw's CD Release
8 p.m.
Blue Monk
3341 SW Belmont
Portland
Cost TBA
Featuring: Mic Crenshaw, Hungry Mob, X-Vandals, DJ Gen.Erik, Good Sista/Bad Sista, and more
It's Mic fricken Crenshaw. He's releasing his solo CD, and X-vandals will be supporting it all the way from the east coast! What reason could you possibly have for not coming!? Or atleast telling a friend to come? (If you have an emergency, illness or otherwise valid excuse for not being able to attend, like you live in Baltimore or Connecticut.)
Otherwise,
I expect to see you there!
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