You Get What You Pay For -OR- Free is Free for a Reason -OR- What The ?!

I like to eat.
I like free things.
I like looking on craig’s list for crap that I don’t need.
(I know I am not alone in these interests!)
But, I DO NOT get this ad I found on-line, even with my aforementioned background!!!
And if I do not get this, who would?!

Fortunately for you dear reader, I also like blogging for the mass(es) of reader(s), out there in the ethernet, or perhaps just in my head. So, I am going to share something soooo strange, it required documenting. I did not make this up! Actual street names have been removed to protect the innocent.

CRAIGSLIST AD #516253051 for Free Baked Beans-n-Beef

“There is a new, unopened quart size container of baked beans with beef in sauce sitting on the curb on SE -- st Ave (left side if traveling south), between SE --- and SE --- streets, 1 1/2 blocks south of SE ---. Brand new, from the Walmart deli, still fresh for eating and was refrigerated until I put it out there just now. It's cold enough outside that it won't go bad fast so come by and grab it and get your lunch on.

Please take it if you are hungry and need it but don't tamper with it otherwise and don't bother the neighbors or leave it in the street, bike lane, or on the sidewalk.

Happy eating!! :-D”

Is it me? Or is that the most ridiculous thing!
Could you read that and maintain a straight face?
Really?!
Come on!

Oh let me tell you! I have got questions!

1. Who randomly places a jar of beans and beef on the street for someone else’s future consumption, and THEN advertises it on-line no less!

2. Who stops by to pick up that sundry little item and proceeds to eat it?

3. Is the typical internet browser/shopper the target market for free food left on the curb?

4. What can be expected of such neglected, outcast food products- left to be refrigerated by the elements until some individual longing for double proteins prances along fetching his come-uppance, tooting the glory of free legumes the following morning?

5. Must we, parents and youth workers, add this to the list of things we warn kids about? “Little Johnny... don’t talk to strangers, don’t drink and drive, don’t do that with your face or it will get stuck like that, don’t forget to clean behind your ears, and don’t go looking for free food on the street after reading an ad posted on-line.”

6. Did the previous beans and beef owner also leave a spoon?

7. Lastly, would YOU wanna “get your lunch on” like this?

On that note, I say good night- to this strange world, you dear reader, the poor cold beans in the rain and, if someone ever arrived, the person who ate up the bounty.

Why I love blogging.

So many things that I need to talk about, or express, or get off my chest, I basically keep to myself. Call it what you will, categorize it how you may, but it is the truth. I want to be open, but in most situations it is easier for me to just keep it to myself. And yet, I don't mean to stay so inward in regards to important things that impact me on a personal level. So, blogging is very helpful. Rather than journaling in a private format, where it stays all bottled up, I actually get it out. Then, and this is the best part, since I reach out or put the energy out there, people are able to give back- without me having to "talk" directly about it, and THAT really makes a difference.

So big thanks to my beautiful people that sent love and support and communicated back via various formats. I really appreciate it. Thank you. It's cool to be able to get that stuff out via type and to be heard and supported. Sometimes someone reminding us that we aren't crazy. I know some out there would like me to talk about these issues before I get to implosion. I will try. And to those out there who said you 'wanted to share the joy of being part of a the village helping raise amazing children,' a.k.a. teen -sitting, I'll make sure to take you up on opportunities to get time off!

So I don't know that my style or method of communication will change drastically in person, but thanks to blogging a new door is opened- one into my mind. Welcome...enter at your own risk.

Mwah ha! ha! ha! ha! (that is maniacal laughter in type)

Where is peace of mind when you need it?

In a few hours, I have to go to work- which means I should be asleep right now, but I can’t go to sleep. Why? Cause I am stressed out and going crazy because my son insists on not doing his homework and allowing his grades to dwell in the toilet. I want to not care, ignore it, emancipate him, send him off to some other family/friends house, choke him, ground him for forever, rip the tv and computer from the wall and donate them to goodwill, and/or cut off his hair, buy him slacks and button downs and send his #$@ to Catholic school. But I can’t really do any of the above, nor do I think they are the answer.

My son is too young and too blessed to be pissing away his potential by not bothering to do his homework. We ground him, we take away privileges, dock his allowance, conference with his teachers, and none of it seems to make any difference. He’s a good kid otherwise. He doesn’t get in trouble, doesn’t run around acting crazy, is for the most part respectful and loving. But his grades are in the toilet and he seems bent on flushing them further into the sewer system. It’s driving me stinking nuts!

What I am realizing is that I am really tired. After almost 15 years of parenting I am exhausted. Yeh, going back to school and getting my BA and MA was difficult and grueling at times. Yes, working so many different places and sites and teaching hundreds of students every term and just having to grind for so long is ridiculously tiring. But it is the parenting part that is killing me right now. The everyday worries and frustrations and demands and requests and constantness of that is wearing me out. And there is no break or vacation in sight, no bio father that is gonna swoop in and cover down for a couple of weeks let alone a semester, no relatives ready to take them for the summer. Instead it is about to be winter break, which means they will be home for two weeks doing the previously mentioned stuff, along with messing up the house all day and arguing with each other.

In my mind I go down this short list of people that I would trust with the kid for awhile, wondering if they would take them for a summer, a quarter. I wonder if I can make it the remaining 5 years til they are both of the age to be graduated and off to college without having some sort of stress related panic attack or nervous breakdown. Cause I am seriously burnt out, and I do not have enough ways to release anxiety. I haven’t been writing, except for blogging, cause honestly its my job now and there isn’t a lot of relaxation associated with doing work-related endeavors. So I feel it all getting pent up and I don’t know how I am going to make it.

I am tired of this city, tired of this season, tired of having to be so damn responsible all the time, tired of having to work so much to still be ridiculously in debt. My schedule is insane until mid June but I need a vacation NOW. I’ve been thinking about trying to get away to just sit on a train and ride the rails for a few days, something, anything- but the grind doesn’t allow time off. You can’t just say, “hey, I’m taking a break from this whole parenting/paying the bills thing to pursue my own joy. I’ll send a postcard when I get there.”

I would be sending postcards from Hawaii, the Bahamas, Mexico, Ghana, Italy, China, Japan, The San Juans, Amsterdam, Senegal, Greece... but instead I will be here in the rainy grayness of winter, griping at my son about how he needs to do his homework and get decent grades, for his own future and because I am not letting him live on my couch if he doesn’t decide to go to college. Explaining to my daughter that what’s for dinner is either what I made or the sandwich she decides to make for herself instead. Calgon lied cause bath softeners cannot take you away. If they could, I would have soaked earlier and been asleep already, rather than still up complaining about how I need a vacation! Parenting shouldn’t have to be so hard. Kids shouldn’t be so hard headed. And plane tickets shouldn’t be so damn expensive!

Sebastian Piper Scootie

See how cute my kitten is!?! Walidah took this picture. I think it shows my kitten at his ultimate sweetest, most goodest-ness, when he is being all cuddly and sweet looking, so adorable...
But don't let all that cuteness fool you!
He is most likely up to no good or otherwise into something, unless he is sleeping.

My kitten loves feet and feet related things.
Everyone in the house can tell you how much his teeth have grown, based on their ankle wounds. Walking fast down the hall without socks is definitely asking for it! With socks on, you are still a prime target, but you may be slightly protected. Also, he showed his true colors the other day when he climbed up my bed. I thought, "how sweet! He is coming to visit me!" He however spots some laundry on my bed, snags a rolled up pair of my ankle sock, and hops off the bed and out the door with them! Then, the next day he did it again. Today he switched it up and just played in the laundry basket for about an hour contentedly. He is strange indeed.

He also really loves to stand on his back two legs. He looks like a meerkat when he does it. This is just another example of how he thinks that he is people.

Did I mention that he likes to roll in his own poo? Every so often he hops in his litter box and scoots around in it extra, on his back. When we yell at him, he pauses, looks at us then begins again, as if beckoning us to join him. "Hey guys, come on in, it's fun!" his look says. "What are you waiting for?!" We look on disgustedly, not wanting to pick him up.

Sometimes he thinks he is a major predator. He runs past an oncoming person and ducks behind the corner, waiting. Then as soon as you get close to the turn, he pounces. What he does to a plastic bag! I watched him attack and attack a plastic bag, he rolled around with it, then ran off. Took a wide circle through the house to catch speed and pounced on it again, full throttle. I won't even mention what he can do to string or a hair scrunchi. Give him a mirror and it is on!

So my point is, don't let that cutesy little face fool you! We now have a ferocious attack kitty! He is dangerous, and he will get you!! So recognize! He's fierce!

To Shop, or Not to Shop... that is the question

My daughter wants to shop, at the mall in fact.

I can handle the mall. I know how to focus in close, like you are nearsighted without your glasses. Don’t look far down the marbled aisle at a distance, stay focused on where you are and things within close proximity. Same as if you were in Costco. While it is a ridiculous stimulus overload- if the mall experience is turned into a means to acquire a cookie, a snack an opportunity to people watch, I am all in!

But see, it is not just shopping at the mall today.
It’s shopping at the mall less than two weeks before Christmas...
need i say more? Yes. I shall.

The mall will be hell, all shopping will be hell. The parking lots will be full. People will be nuts and crazy and caffeinated on burnt tasting conglomerate coffee grabbing for the best deal to represent their love and thoughtfulness for that special someone. Somehow this capitalist wet dream, of how to make the bulk of an entire year’s profits in a couple of months, connects to Jesus?

Don’t get me wrong here. Jesus and I have no beef whatsoever.
How can you not respect someone who places the needs of the people above material wealth and greed, inspires and speaks truth to power, devotes his life to this work of transformation?

The way, in bulk, that people are bombarded with the “holiday/holler-day season is whack. Let's be honest, reports and accounts and texts and how they are used and interpreted must always be questioned and evaluated. After all, look what the bible has been through- being rewritten and edited, translated through several languages, passed through a couple thousand years, and various groups with their own intention. History in the hand of the conquerors. How did his excruciating tortuous, public murder on the cross translate into the repeated symbol people see and use regularly? I think we need to celebrate his birth and activist life and give that energy, rather than carry symbols of the tool of his death. But Jesus would declare us all nuts if he were alive to see how we twisted a day in his name for capitalist purposes. Ill *ish I tell you.
But I’m just saying, there are a few things Jesus is gonna be really pissed off about if he returns one year to the U.S. on his "birthday."

- How the pictures and statues don't even look like him.
- His Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome triggered by all the images of his crucifixion
- All the hungry, homeless and mistreated people
- What’s been done in his name, especially in regards to the way he has been misused as an icon for agendas of colonialism. Tokenized as a team mascot for an international take over league, he wouldn’t have been down with.
- How they got the date of his birth wrong.

Here’s something else about how we celebrate this day that drives me nuts! All the trees we cut down immature for this! They aren't even adolescent trees, they are newborns and infant trees. Yet they will die in how many homes this year? I remember going out and planting little trees in a tube as an elementary student. The experience affirmed that I could help do my small piece for the environment.
Conspiracy theory: maybe it was all part of getting free child labor to seed the x-mas tree market?

My mom and I stopped buying Christmas trees, when I was about my son’s current age, after we watched our last one die slowly in the living room before we threw it out alongside all the other used and discarded trees. Now this holiday seems to revolve around the list of “I want....” that isn’t always followed with the list of I “want to give...” So if you haven’t already figured out, I am a little too analytical and skeptical to get too into the holiday spirit.

But I love time off for family and friends and eating and generosity, it is always good to have that and more of it. So happy holidays, there are many to choose from, and happy new year and winter and birthday and un-birthdays to all. Be stars and light the way to a better next year.

Love and Happiness...
Ms. "i'm heading out the door to buy some stuff. What's for Sale?"

All Dressed Up and No Way to Go

Walidah and I practiced, the preceding day and the afternoon of the show.
We had our set ready.
We wrote an article for an anthology.
We ate a fabulous vegan dinner, that was an example of great group effort.
We got dressed and ready to go out the door.
We packed t-shirts to sell.
We headed out on the open road to the benefit event for Outside/In.
We planned to miss the dinner, and arrive at 7pm.
We were just across the bridge from our destination.
We decided to kindly stop for a pedestrian, since there was a crosswalk and no light.
The car died, and wouldn't start again after several painfully unsuccessful tries.

We were stuck in the left lane, on a busy road, in a dead car.
We couldn't push it out of the way.
We couldn't go anywhere.

A couple people stopped and tried to "help".
Person 1: Do you have a cell phone?... Oh, well good, just wanted to check. I can't stay, I am supposed to meet my wife.
Person 2: What's wrong?...Is there gas in the car?... Oh, well do you think you maybe ran out of gas?... You sure?...I may have a gallon of gas in a container in my trunk... you don't think its gas?

Then there were the miscellaneous honkers and yellers sharing their jewels of wisdom.
"What the hell are you doing?!" followed inevitably with honking horns. Apparently we were just hanging out at a standstill on a busy road cause we thought that was where the party was at! Stinkin idiots!

Luckily since we were in a prime location, blocking a busy road, we got quick attention and a tow to a closed mechanic and given a ride home. Our tow guy was ridiculously nice in fact. So we didn't make it to our performance, which is a rare phenomena. We had a show on The 9/11 in P-town and didn't cancel, to give an example of our dedication. But our car had other plans. And while it stunk to miss the show, it was good to be back home, inside- cause it was dark and cold, and that makes the indoors and comforts of home even more appealing.

Celebrating My Mom's Birthday in Her Absence

Yesterday would have been my mother's 58th birthday.

This is the first Birthday she wasn't here for and I knew it would be difficult. Last year we went to see her, brought her gifts and hung out- not suspecting it would be her last birthday. She always gave thanks for every year and was proud to have made it through another. Her life was definitely not simple or easy, most of the time.

I made a decision to plan ahead. I didn't want to spend my mom's birthday sad and mourning, cause I know that she wouldn't want that. I mean of course she would want us to remember her and think of her, but she would want us to be happy and live full lives. So I called my grandma and we decided that we would spend the day at the casino.

This may sound strange, but that was the one outing that my mother engaged in whenever she could. Her cousin would get a van, to accommodate mom's wheelchair, and they would party it up. It wasn't something they could do ALL the time, but it was definitely one of the few things, (other than seeing family, and Raider's victories) that really got her excited. She never won big, but she always had a great time and told me all about it. The last time she went with her cousin, it was fairly close to her birthday last year I believe, they stayed out until about 3AM. It is a funny picture to me, imagining my mother getting in from a night of gambling and heading back to the nursing home that late at night. She was definitely not the typical resident by any means. She was so much younger than all the other's who lived there.

So it seemed like the fitting activity to mark the day we lost someone we loved so dearly, doing something that brought her joy. I had never been to a casino before, I am not much of a gambler. I am much more concerned with the dollar in hand vs. the one that may or may not come. Of course that is why I always have several jobs. I need money coming in consistently and am trying to up the amount it equals, ya know! Sure I'd like to win a million, or 100k but I understand that work is the most consistently paying reality.

And let's be honest, casinos are strange entities. Shining lights and machines everywhere, people smoking all over the place hoping with each push of the button that their luck will come through. Exciting though, but a bit dangerous. I mean I put a dollar in, pushed one button, and well- farewell dollar! So I pretty much stuck to the penny machines. 5-20 cents a bet was about all I could justify. Overall Brian and I only lost $20, (most of the losing was done by me)- of course we only gambled with about $70 altogether in the first place- and when we won something we cashed out, then kept the ticket and the winnings rather than turning around and putting it back in the machines. I think we did good, and I sort of got the hang of what methods worked best for me as information to serve my mission for the next time. Brian won more when I was sitting next to him, and I won at machines when I randomly walked alone through the rows and chose the machine that caught my eye, and sat down to play. Next time, I think I will do much better!

We all sat down together for lunch, there were 6 of us all together, and gave a toast to mom with our sodas. My cousin talked about the last time the two of them had come out there to gamble. Grandma talked about which machines she had loved to play. We celebrated and smiled and laughed. For a few minutes, my grandma even held onto my hand and it was really beautiful. I think that mom would have really appreciated the outing and my aunt said that she was probably with us, and she was definitely in our hearts and thoughts.

However, I am starting to think that the after-life, or next journey, is the one we manifest through our desires in this life- so where mom is would probably have casinos where everyone always wins big and the Raiders are the Super Bowl champions each and every year!

Happy Birthday Mom! We love you!

Aaaah Seattle

Spent the weekend in Seattle. Had a reading and book signing for the new anthology out which includes Good Sista/Bad Sista.
(Word Warriors: 35 Women Leaders in the Spoken Word Revolution). Obviously work related things are the best way to get me to go anywhere, so it was perfect! We drove up there on Friday and went to a show featuring our buddy Gabriel Teodros. His album is called Love Work, check it out! And sure, that would have been enough on its own, but to add to the joy, Khalil was in town too, so the audience was blessed with the presence of Abyssinian Creole, and Walidah and I had fantastic company for a late night snack at a local diner. Khalil is that friend who makes life like a stand-up impromptu comedy routine. I think he and Walidah are like twin spirits separated at birth or something, they were a riot together! Gabe and I just sort of observed and were entertained by their sillyness. We might have to form a quartet Good Sista Bad Sista w/ Good Brotha Bad Brotha.

Our performance on Saturday went really well. Years have passed since I last saw Alix Olson (the editor of the anthology) perform. I have opened up for her a couple of times when she came through my town and we have run into each other in other parts of the country, but it is always amazing to see people after the passage of time and witness how they have grown and come more into themselves. She was so fricken funny! Her poetry was really beautifully done, but her stage presence while chatting was brilliant, perfect comedic timing and I loved it! Then after we all performed we did some Q & A and it was amazing. I think that the three of us made a really great team. Hopefully we will do more work together around the bok and otherwise, cause I I had so much fun.

Then, I got to hang out with my girl Christa Bell who is one of my friends from the way back. That is always inspiring and motivating. She is someone who always gives me so much positive energy and quality advice. Love her!

The craziest thing that happened while out there was a downpour of big fat snowflakes! Beautiful but oh so winter. I am gonna try to head back soon, most definitely!

Pink Elephants and Avoidance

The following piece I wrote today after being inspired by one of my students at VSAA who brought up the "pink elephant in the room" as one of the things we don't generally talk about, that deserves more attention.

Enjoy!

Never Mind The Large Things Staring You in the Face (temporary title)
by Turiya

the pink elephant turns cartwheels
eats desks, grabs students in its trunk
crushes teachers and hunts for peanuts
lost in the classroom carpet
while students gaze silently at maps
marking imaginary boundaries of a sliced up world
pie that only a few get to taste
while the rest rent with no hope of ownership

moving on to musical pursuits
the elephant plays improvisational trunk jazz solos
growing in volume until the noise
can be heard beyond the windows and the parking lot
while students continue their algebraic equations
explicate the value of y
write eternal numbers representing the infinity of pi
diligently showing their work in order to get full credit
trying to raise their g.p.a. because college applications are due
and these are most important pursuits

from shades of pink to red to violet and blue
the mastodon is not afraid of hue
he shifts form, becoming larger than life
swings from the florescent lights
grabs hold of the curtains and throws them to the floor
while students practice diagramming sentences
study gerunds and parts of speech undisturbed
plan out essays and look for the ultimate hypothesis
dot their “i’s” and place their punctuation correctly

there is a time for paying attention to elephants after all
while eating ice-cream at the zoo
from the high seats in a coliseum viewing circus acts
during safari in foreign lands
no need to notice them elsewhere
look away and perhaps
they will vanish from the room entirely

VSAA

Doing a residency at Vancouver School of Arts and Academics is quite a unique experience. It makes me wonder where I would have been if there had been an option like that for me when going to school. Generally speaking I did ok in school, better in high school than in middle school as far as grades, but I really had few classes that moved me. I loved my Spanish teacher in middle school, Senor de los Rios. Thank goodness he sparked my interest in the language early, cause if I had suffered through my boring high school spanish teachers at that age I would have never continued or stuck with it. My science teacher Mr. Tanaka knew his field and blushed during sex ed. which I found really entertaining, but he did make us dissect owl pellets and bugs, which I didn't appreciate.

As far as requirements in high school I only liked my Algebra teacher as a freshman, Mr. Bell, and my sophomore English teacher, Ms. Righetti- who was really supportive but was only at our school for one year. Above all these I loved my art electives: drama, improv, visual arts, video/radio production. Let's just say, even though I didn't always make it to school for my morning classes (for very important health reasons according to the notes I turned in but in actuality because my neighbor and I had a videogame/coffee habit that was strongest during 0-3rd periods) I looked forward to my electives. These days kids going to school have even more limited access to the arts, which frustrates me!

But what if I had been at an art school for those seven years? What difference that could have made. I think what I notice most when I am at VSAA is that everyone's eccentricities become more the norm. At my high school, as alternative styled artists, people didn't know what to do with us, and we didn't really care all that much what they thought anyway. But it is the principle of being seen as "outsider" for being other than the jock etc. it was the usual emphasis on sports folks and popularity based on class and clothing. Of course those kids were mostly personality-less drones who were all about conformity, brand names and pretending that whatever they were doing was exciting. (I went to their parties on occasion, and let's just say I almost always left early- YAWN!)

I am not trying to say that a school being an arts school means that it is utopia, I just really dig the energy of the youth and the vibe of a student body that seems much more comfortable with being unique. I could also be biased since they seem to really appreciate me, and I like that! They can smell my inner rebel, they get my quirky sense of humor, I think it helps me to be more aspects of myself more comfortably- even though the 6th-8th graders clearly weren't into my Rakim hip-hop listening exercise. But that is ok...

They think outside the box- I get that. They want to do things differently- I dig that. I give them writing prompts and they take it places that are really remarkable- I love that. Hopefully I can serve as a model that weird artist types can make a place for themselves in the world beyond high-school, cause I think I am doing pretty well with all my pursuits and I wouldn't choose to be anything other than a weird artist type. I think it suits me well.

Confession

Well confession may not exactly be the perfect word- there is no crime to claim responsibility for, this will not move into Usher song lyrics asking forgiveness, and I am not reaching for a rosary to do prescribed refrains of "Hail Mary" to atone.

So maybe I should call this a "moment of honesty".
Or perhaps a "revealing of that which is not public information."

It is just after 2 in the afternoon and I am still in bed. In fact I think I would stay here all day until it was officially time to legitimately be here if I could, except I will have to go downstairs to use the restroom and grab something to snack on- however, after that brief intermission, I intend to come right back here. I don't want to get up, I don't want to go into that vast day, I don't want to be social, I don't want to do any work, I don't want to... well basically I just don't want to do much of anything, other than lie in my bed. And to be really honest, I don't exactly know why, ..
but I have some possible theories:

Theory One
It’s the holiday season:
I like seeing friends and family and I definitely like eating, but seriously all of our holidays are problematic commercial consumer fests. 1. Jesus wasn’t even born in December, 2. let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that, even if the pilgrims actually had a civil meal with the indigenous folks of this nation, that a dinner makes up for hundreds of years of devastation and theft 3. If it is supposed to be about celebrating life and being together and being giving, why does everyone have their hand out looking for a gift? Kids all over aren’t asking their grown-ups if they can go help at a soup kitchen or about what they should get Aunt so and so. They are adding more and more items on their own overly long, “I want” lists. BAH HUMBUG!

Also the holidays for me are a reminder that my mother is no longer with me, so now comes the 1st Thanksgiving without her, then the first birthday she didn’t make it to, then the 1st Christmas, then the first New Year and then the one year anniversary of her passing. So, sorry if I don’t feel like caroling and consumer-izing and making batches of cookies.

Theory Two
I went to bed last night watching Michael Moore’s documentary on health care, “Sicko”. Sure there were flaws and clear biases, I expect this from Moore so that isn’t the issue for me. The movie served as a reminder to my lack of health insurance (I am supposed to be getting benefits, but it seems like the start date just keeps getting pushed back; November 1 oh wait, December 1, oh actually that might be January 1. Meanwhile my kids and I are on our like 5th year without a healthcare plan other than me constantly reminding them to “BE CAREFUL!” You see I make just too much to get state healthcare, which is now pretty much go wait in line at the clinic anyway. But too little to avoid being broke.)

Needless to say, I went to bed thinking on yet another reason why the US isn’t all apple pie goodness. Other places have universal health care and paid holidays for all workers and even unlimited sick days! They even live longer there, go figure! Someone may read this and question my “patriotism” or other such foolishness. Let’s see: genocide, theft, slavery, torture, injustice, segregation, election hi-jacking, worldwide and domestic terrorist acts, wealthy minority elites running everything, capital over lives, crappy wages, debt.... etc... etc... Yeh, I’d say that the United States has been a mess since inception, so clearly a lack of universal health care is really no surprise. I probably would “go back to where I came from”, if I knew where that was. They probably have better health care there anyway and affordable higher education, so I wouldn’t be straddled in student loan debt right now or moaning about how I have to wait til January to go see a doctor!

Theory 3
It’s winter. Cold weather sucks and technically it isn’t really even winter yet, it is still fall which means we haven’t even started the season to be able to say it is even close to being over.

Theory 4
While there are several things that I need to be doing, the deadlines are off in the distance so I have plenty of time to procrastinate, so I will.

Theory 5
There really isn’t a lot to do in this town anyway, especially if it isn’t work that I have to do, why go outside?

Theory 6
This connects to many of the above, basically I am to some degree regularly depressed. I am not self-medicating nor do I have coverage to get someone to prescribe medicine for me. And sheesh, who isn’t depressed! I mean didn’t you read my previous theories?! That stuff isn’t all rainbows and fluffy bunnies. But it’s not like I am gonna wallow around in my own self pity as if I am the only one who visits the land of “Not Overjoyed”. Who am I to complain in the first place, when I have food in my fridge and my basic bills are paid, and my kids are healthy and doing well in school, and I have work, and I have friends and family who love me. (even though I don’t really hang out with most of them or call cause my Ascendant in Cancer insists on being non-social, while my Aries sun sign side longs to be the center of everyone’s attention and looks around wondering why no one calls.) I realize things could be a lot worse, so is my temperamental-ness even justifiable?
Suck it up self and move on!

Theory 7
I bought a new bed. It is comfortable. I have lots of pillows. I can sit here with my laptop typing to miscellaneous readers about how I don’t want to get out of bed without even getting out of my bed. Hello! Doesn’t take rocket science to figure that one out. In fact, even though I don’t have a television up here, I can always go online and watch a bunch of shows, again, on my laptop. And since I can hear the rain smacking upside my window, why bother getting out of bed?!

Curled up with my laptop under a big pile of blankets,
Your friend who probably won’t write or call or run into since I am not getting out of bed, so Naaah!

Family and Holidays

This year wasn't so bad actually.
I have to be honest and admit that some years I have avoided the family on the holidays. My mom's side of the family can be pretty intense, especially in numbers. People who know me, realize that I am pretty talkative, and when i want I can be the center of attention fairly comfortably. However, since I am on stage for most of my work I also can comfortably step back from the light to let others shine. Clearly many of my family members don't have that outlet, so gatherings tend to be these talk fests where folks are constantly talking over each other rather than engaging in "conversation", which should equal talking balanced with listening- go figure! So it is hard to get a word in edge-wise, or to get into deeper levels of discussion. I love my family, but I realize after spending several hours with them that I am drained. Mainly because for me having conversations with depth is energizing and filling and fueling. Staying on that more superficial level keeps the atmosphere more peaceful or causes less conflict potentially, but wears me out.

Most of us only see each other a couple times a year, so that isn't a lot of time to really strengthen relationships and I realize that I don't know a lot about most of my family. Yeh, I know if they are in school, how many kids they have, some of the incidents they got in trouble for as kids... but as far as ambitions, fears, goals... not so much. The highlights for me were the moments when we got personal, deep and out of the "happy". My cousin addressing her addiction history, my other cousin taking a moment at grace to remember my mother, my uncle talking about how it was to go hunting on his 60th birthday- not that I am into hunting, but the fact he made 60 is huge, no men on that side have lived that long there is a history of heart issues and our gatherings are predominately female because of it. These blips were where I really felt touched and close to the people I share blood with, but they were just that, blips- so much more energy went to trying to get the USC game to come in on the radio or other such lighter topics. I guess I am weird that way. I like to get serious, I am not afraid of that place where we reach beyond the surface into the meat and the bone.

So I am of course glad to see everyone, I love them cause sharing DNA connects us in a way that makes us return to each other as a large group a couple of times a year and build this thing called family. We maybe didn't choose each other, but we are consistently attached for eternity. That is powerful, the we love each other whether or not we have to always like each other. I made a point to attend this year since we lost my mom, this is our first family holiday gathering without her. (Granted, since she was in a nursing home and physically limited, she couldn't come to the dinners at grandma's but we would all drive out to see her after and bring her a plate of food and hang out.) I miss her of course, and I can't help but think of her. She has returned to me in my dreams recently too, which has been very powerful and positive for me, perhaps I will blog about that more specifically later.

Sunday I will spend the day at my house having a gathering with my father's side of the family. It will be a completely different dynamic. Bi-racialness also contributes to pretty different family personalities and environments. It also means that outside of my mother's funeral, the two sides exist pretty separately.

Peacemakers Conference

Peacemaker Conference
I was invited to give a workshop and performance for a conference that took place last week at the convention center. The focus was on middle schoolers and high schoolers and strategies for conflict resolution. I believe about 500 students were in attendance, along with grown up chaperones- mostly teachers from the many schools represented.

The workshop that I did brought me a lot of inner joy, I hope the students liked it too. A big part of it was discussing issues that were important to us as a catalyst to prompt our writing. So we generated this list of issues that included: war, drugs, violence, safety, environmental issues, homelessness, education funding cuts, government, and so on. Then they each chose one topic to write on freely and of course I had people share what they wrote or at least let us know which topic they picked. What made it so joyous for me was that I got to be really political with youth and they clearly appreciated it. As they brought topics up I addressed them even if only briefly, and as they raised questions such as "why exactly are we at war?" I answered honestly, money interests, oil, the profit motives of destroying in order to "rebuild" which is so basic to the nature of capitalism. When a couple of young people expressed their concerns about the legitimacy of homeless people's requests for money and wondered why they didn't just get jobs and try, I didn't get harsh with them but I broke down the realities of the working poor, rising housing prices and non-livable wages as well as the true waste of resources called corporate welfare.

Then of course I performed for all the conference attendees as the closure. Some of the students there were from a school I just did a residency at a couple of weeks ago and I saw several familiar faces. When I left the building I felt pretty on top of the world actually. Some people have opposite reactions to performing and being immersed in a crowd of people, especially teens. For me it is the ultimate adrenaline rush, inspiration and natural high. I felt so energized! Then, as the extra icing on the cake, a couple of young ladies came up to me while I was waiting on my bus and personally thanked me. What meant the most was that they were thanking me for being honest and real and talking about the things that don't necessarily get addressed in their schools and environments. As I told the adults at the conference, it is important that we remember that young people are not just thinking about material things and shallow pursuits- they are grappling with heavy duty issues and we need to support them, cause their ability to be more open-minded than previous generations is what will help to change the world in which we live.

I hate being sick!

I had to do a presentation to a class today about all the joy and intrigue of spoken word poetry. It was short, but I mostly talked and only did like one poem, and my voice was all faded and diminishing and I could hear myself and I was getting on my own nerves! I have a performance and workshop on thursday for a conference too and I hope that it is better by then! It is tough when your voice is your money maker, cause colds happen but classes still need to get taught, workshops still need to get facilitated, poems need to be performed, etc...

All weekend I only ate soup, yesterday too. Today was the first day that I ate a real meal. It wasn't until dinner and I still didn't eat the amount I would normally eat. I haven't even been hungry! UGH! At least I can kind of smell now and breath out of my nose, but that might change once I lie down and try to sleep, which I guess I should do soon, since sick people need their rest, and I do have to work tomorrow, and well every day until Sunday.

Some poeple have only one job, I don't know if I envy them tho. Granted I have to do several jobs while I am trying to get better, but it could be worse, at least I can look forward to variety! And mostly it is a few hours here, then a few hours there. I think that I would be really ill if I had to stay in one place 8-9 hours a day, 5 days a week. Plus, the added perk is that some of my work I can do while in my jammies, under my blankets sipping soup and drinking tea. Of course that isn't the work I have to do this week... but everything can't always be roses and fluffy bunnies.

Me and My Kitty

OK- I have never really been into cats. At least not to the point where I ever wanted one of my own. Sure pay small amounts of attention to other folks cats, cause they seem to love me and wanna be all up in my lap, as if they know I am not interested and therefore want to convert me or something. Not that I have some vendetta against the cute and furry, and hey there are times and places where purring is definitely a good thing. But I grew up with dogs, big dogs- German Shephards mainly, and a Doberman when I was in junior high. Granted i did try to convince my mom she wanted a cat in teh house when I was in high school and a friend’s cat had kittens, but even though I brought it home- mom said “no way, bring it back”. I was old enough to not cry or get all sentimental- my friend rainbow ended up keeping it and another kitten and they grew to be so well fed and round that they didn’t bother with any fast movement other thanthe brisk walk to the cat food bowl.

But poor little Sebastian managed to get stuck under our house the other night, and proceeded to squawk all night. We let him be, thinking his feral mom would return to claim him after hearing his pathetic cries, but she was nowhere to be found. So we managed to pull him out of the vent and made him a little kitty home out of a box. Honestly, I didn’t want to like him. All whiny, pathetic and kitten like- oozing cuteness as if that would be enough! After all I swore off cleaning after other’s poo for life after 5 years of changing diapers, and was adamant about not ever having a pet. Sheesh two teen-agers is quite enough thank you very much!

Then came needy little Sebastian with his little medley of “mew”s. He hadn’t eaten in at least 24 hours, had been kicked to the curb by his parents, and was so little and well, cute.
How could I resist? I tried, believe me. Equally fussy and needy as a baby, he whined constantly and really didn’t know how to eat yet. My partner is allergic to cats too on top of everything else, and seeing as how the kitty will only create bills, whereas my partner pays bills- it doesn’t even seem like a viable option to keep the kitten at all.

We took it with us to a pet store to get a litter box and formula, since it still needs to be taken care of until we figure out what to do with it. I thought, hey Walidah and the kids can deal with it, I’ve got other stuff to do. Plus it picked Halloween to join our household, the kids had party plans, Walidah and I had a reading- it wasn’t looking good for our furry friend at all. But I caved in, brought Sebastian with us to the reading and ended up holding it the entire time, which made for an interesting performance for sure.

We managed to get him to eat, but I continued to believe that the cat was temporary. Although I did out a blanket in the dryer for him so he could be cozy in his box, I wanted to make him comfortable, after all he has abandonment issues and as someone who works with youth regularly I know the importance of love and comforting in the early years. I am not cold-hearted, I just don’t want any more work.

Then, this morning he was the mewwing noise permeating the household requiring attention. I had workshops to go to, children to inspire, but first i had to warm up a kitty bottle of formula. Did I mention how much kitty formula stinks? Well it does, a lot. But little Sebastian is getting the hang of a bottle. I also think he is starting to get that we are going to take care of him, so he is calming down. He even played with me this morning biting and licking me- and purring with content after being fed and held. Then I put him back in his box and after a short span of mewing he actually quieted and went back to sleep. I wanted to avoid any kind of attachment. Wanted to deny responsibility for his well being. But once I post a picture, you will know exactly why I crumbled. I never thought I would be a cat person. I mean sure, I get them since we have a lot in common. We want our way, want attention when we want it and then would rather not have anything to do with folks, are all about “me, myself and I” and basically not about everybody else unless it meets our ends or needs, want to be loved and cuddled on our own terms but don’t feel the need to give that back... I get cats, but usually at a distance.

I have to admit in my writing workshops, all my examples involved kittens. I am even now, as I write, thinking “how is Sebastian doing?” He’s all soft and fuzzy, with that cute little kitten face. He is adorable and he likes us. I am thinking that if we have to pass him along to someone else, I want it to be a neighbor, or someone we know so I can still hang out with him. Wow- I never thought I’d fall for a kitten. I am so not gullible or easily swayed by that kind of thing- but see, Sebastian is different- so don’t go thinking that I got all soft or something. I am just making an exception that further proves the general rule... yeh... that’s it.

Exploring different sides of the city

I've lived in my town for almost 13 years. Which means I know it fairly well, I don't get lost, I can navigate public transportation, etc... Since I work in various schools doing creative writing workshops, I see various corners of the city regularly through visits. However, as a parent and a somewhat non-social being (outside of performing and work and my household specifically), I really don't get out on the town much. I go to kid/teen friendly restaurants, movies, amusement places designed for family entertainment. I've been lots of places, but not the kind of places that I can recommend to grown up friends that don't have kids or aren't kids at heart. So I always feel funny when I am supposed to show folks around from out of town. Honestly- I don't know what club is "the spot". When I go to shows, or clubs, it is usually only when I am performing or someone I know personally is playing, and certain venues I won't go to cause I don't like the vibe. SO basically, I don't get out much.

However, lately I have been exploring new restaurants in various sectors of town with a good friend of mine and on my own. I found a place that I really liked tonight. The food was decent, I didn't order any alcohol so I can't speak on the drinks, but it was the ambience. Very grown up, candle lit cozy goodness buried within the industrial north side of the city. I've been challenging myself to find new spots, going on line and researching based on neighborhood. Today was a success. I found a place that I would definitely go to again. YAY for me, and for my friend who is fortunate enough to have me to do this sort of grueling hard work. I wouldn't eat there during non-happy hours, cause the prices would be outrageous- but for the vibe I give it a thumbs up! See, even after 13 years it is not too late to explore the neighborhoods!

To Blog or Not To Blog... That is the question

Tis it nobler to write with no expectation of response or
to bathe in the glowing instant gratification of an audience?

Does the reader that doesn't respond "listen" less?
What reveals itself when the comment area says zero?

Do blogs get lonely, viewing the vast cyber wilderness?
Forget electric technicolor dreams when they wake?

Do they fear being alone?

Inspired by my visit to Lincoln City

by Turiya

ANCHOR INN

spent a week at the Anchor Inn
perfect metaphor for where I’ve been
sinking deep beneath the skin
to seek my inner self again

rapt tight in mooring line
i docked long enough to find
floating fragments i’d left behind
containing other sides of mine

SPINDRIFT

Crashing the shore
Churning emotions
Love rattles on sand
Ebbs and shifts like spindrift

Churning emotions
Tumultuous transitions through chaos
Ebbs and shifts like spindrift
I struggle without a preserver

Tumultuous transitions through chaos
Relax enough to float
I struggle without a preserver
and dive towards myself

Relax enough to float
Love rattles on sand
I dive towards myself
Crashing the shore


CLIFF DIVING

Shores of my rocky life
Imagine the depths
Darkness of loss
Pain of watery breath

Imagine the depths
Soothing like sleep
Pain of watery breath
Quilts of satin

Soothing like sleep
Reach out shaky arms
Quilts of satin
Swim against high tide

Reach out shaky arms
Darkness of loss
Swim against high tide
Shores of my rocky life

Oceanlake Brilliance

Working with 6-10 year-olds last week was a different challenge. The 3rd grade class was more what I am used to, but I haven’t worked with 1st and 2nd graders doing writing in ages. They are at such a unique stage with the writing process. It reminds me of when I was very little and saw my mom doing cursive. Of course, to my untrained eye, it appeared to be a series of lovely squiggles, which I immediately tried to recreate. I drew very nice curvy loops that were definitely not words, but I remember thinking cursive was beautiful.

Some are getting paragraphs down on their own and their spelling makes complete sense too. (Complexities of English as a written language cause the majority of issues. I loved that about some of the other languages I have dabbled in, they are actually consistent with their spelling and how words sound, go figure!) Some of my students were just starting to write letters into the form of words. I noticed a couple of younger students who had regular refrains containing combinations of the same 4 or 5 letters. The best part is when those same children recite their works for the class and it grows into an epic impromptu piece. Kids at these ages are so eager and excited to try things!

One star, a mere 2nd grader, came up with 2 rhymes for “alliteration”, and that was by no means the assignment, they just came to him. You never know where their path will lead, but clearly there are so many possibilities for greatness in all walks. My 3rd graders had so many great questions for me, I finally needed to say that if we didn’t get started on writing the class would be over soon. They asked me to “rap” for them and I did. One of the students said they listened to 50 Cent, so I also talked to them briefly about the history of hip-hop as a culture and creative force, not just songs heard on the radio, it's the art of making do with what we have, making art from what we have.

The school held an evening write nite event, where Joanna (an amazing person also working with students at my school) and I did an assembly style workshop. A whole cafeteria full of families and staff writing and discussing their family story! The room buzzed with chatter, while we got to mee some of the parents of students we saw during the day. Once we were done, the line of students, (and students with their parents), who wanted stretched pretty far to read for a packed house of over 200! Folks faced one of the highest ranking fears, public speaking, with idividual style. We even had time for everyone to read who volunteered. One of the tiniest readers stepped to the mic and I reminded her, as I did everyone, to speak up and not to be afraid of the mic. She killed it! Perfect projection, every word crystal clear- a pro, like she does that every day before she eats her breakfast! They blew me away, and by the end of the evening my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. What an amazing community! I could listen to youth on the mic for days. This is why I have focused more energy on workshops and performances with young people. Seeing them do their thing and knowing that each experience helps fuel the people/artists they will become brings me great joy.

Another huge highlight reel moment:
One of the writing and drawing exercises we did involved saying what we carried in our heart. The literal scribes wrote about vessels and blood, which was fine and yeilded cool pictures. Obviously parents and family ranked high on many lists. Then one little girl, when asked to share two of the things she carried in her heart, said “Turiya and kittens”. I came before kittens! That is when you know you are a true star. It has nothing to do with being on tv, radio and the like. When you beat out “kittens” or are on par with the undeniable goodness of adorable furry pets- that is when you know you are doing something right!

The teachers were great to let us take over their classes for a week and extremely supportive and helpful, the principal was amazing and the families were clearly involved by showing up to the event. Thank you Oceanlake for an incredible week! I hope to come back and work with you all again soon!

Special thanks to A. C. Middle School

Today is a day when I realize how much I love my work as an artist.
I had the privilege of speaking with a group of middle school girls for their “Girl’s Night” event which was amazing! Whenever I threw a question out to them, so many hands flew up in the air that there was no way I could call on them all! (Although I did try.) What was most exciting to me were all the hands that went up when I asked how many people were artists, and the variety of art they mentioned as their interests.

Question- why is it that there are so many kids who are inspiring and amazing, yet so many adults that miss the mark? This society could learn a lot from young people if it listened more and advertised less. The room was full of beautiful women, youth, staff and parent volunteers and i love that they have events like this. I don’t remember us ever having girl’s night functions when I was growing up, which is too bad. It sounds like the girls are going to have a full evening of activities. They were a GREAT audience.

I have never heard that loud of a shout back when doing my piece called “Unstoppable”. I do call and response. I say, “together we are unstoppable” and they respond with “nothing is impossible!” I decided to have them do it a few extra times since i was so impressed. I thought the roof might start to crack a little cause they were so loud!
I love it! Where are crowds like that all the other times when you need them? These young ladies may not realize how much of an impact that has, so I wanted to post it in hopes they might read my blog and know how much I appreciate them.

People always ask me when I am doing a show next, and I tell them that now I mostly do performances for young people, and this is a perfect example of why. The energy they have is contagious. The questions they ask are brilliant and interesting so I never dread question and answer sessions with youth. The kids want to know when you started writing, possibly hoping they are not too late to get started- which they aren’t! They want to know about inspiration, and from where you draw it.

However, I generally avoid Q & A whenever possible with ADULT audiences because inevitably someone is going to get all ego and use it as an opportunity to get at least 30 seconds of their 15 minutes of fame by being annoying. To put it in perspective,
here are a couple of examples of my least favorite frequent grown-up questions:
- The “look how smart I am” questions-
Q: Have you read, ________ (insert super obscure book here), and what do you think about the concept of _______ (insert obscure point of said book here).
A: No, I didn’t read that, but perhaps I will check it out.

Q: I have been reading a lot lately about __________ (insert geographical region, random cause, timely or untimely crisis, historical incident here). Are you familiar with that? You should write something about that.
A: That is very important, and since it seems really important to you perhaps you should consider writing that poem!

The “not a question” questions.
Q: (insert speech about something weakly guised as a question but is actually a statement) that ends with a “do you agree or disagree?”
A: (insert vague answer that neither agrees or disagrees)

My point is, you gotta love kids and their exuberance, and on the flip side you gotta wonder why sometimes grown-ups can make simple things so complicated.

Rain Returns

i heard your
smattering of sound
touching everything
with heaven’s moist kiss

i pretended you
were heater noises
refrigerator sighs
the house resting itself

i couldn’t believe you
would return promptly
after consistent rejection
the tough skin of raindrops

i anticipated you
finding me too soon
harbinger of seasons
cold gathers strength

The Sick, The Twisted and Other Film Lessons

There are certain things I generally avoid when choosing movies.
Sometimes I say “Oh that will be too violent, too disturbing etc.”, so I end up watching something else, perhaps a crappy romantic-comedy-happy-buddy-predictable and relatively “safe” flick. Certainly it ties back to my drive-thru double feature trauma from sitting through “The Hills Have Eyes” and “Phantasm” when I was merely 7. I remember screaming that I wanted to go home and no matter how tight I closed my eyes I couldn’t block out the noises coming from the speaker placed precariously in the rolled down window.

Today i saw a movie i knew relatively nothing about other than the theater description:
And I’ll be honest; I didn’t really read it all the way through or think too hard about it.

There weren’t really a lot of other choices out there it seemed and it sounded like action and intrigue. I like intrigue.

“The mysterious and charismatic Russian-born Nikolai Luzhin (Viggo Mortensen) is a driver for one of London's most notorious organized crime families of Eastern European origin. The family itself is part of the Vory V Zakone criminal brotherhood. Headed by Semyon, the family's fortunes are tested by Semyon's volatile son and enforcer, Kirill, who is more tightly bound to Nikolai than to his own father. But Nikolai's carefully maintained existence is jarred once he crosses paths at Christmastime with Anna Khitrova (Naomi Watts), a midwife at a North London hospital. Anna is deeply affected by the desperate situation of a young teenager who dies while giving birth to a baby. The girl's personal diary also survives her; it is written in Russian, and Anna seeks answers in it. By delving into the diary, Anna has accidentally unleashed the full fury of the Vory. With Semyon and Kirill closing ranks and Anna pressing her inquiries, Nikolai unexpectedly finds his loyalties divided.”

What I failed to notice was the reason for the rating:
“BRUTAL and BLOODY violence, some GRAPHIC sexuality, language and nudity”

Yeh, I missed that.
But hey, I am no longer 7, (I am several times that in fact) and one thing that I have acquired over the years is desensitization to violent film imagery as well as the ability to leave a film if I don’t want to watch it. I know they are actors, the contents are fictitious, the blood is fake, I will never be inspired to replicate these acts in any way (unless i had my own camera, fake blood and dramatic cast frightening others certainly with much more comedic flair and no actual brutalness!

But as a life-long learner, every moment is one to draw insight and wisdom from, and this is yet another example.

What I know now- or at least better understand after watching this movie:
1. The sound of fingers being removed from a dead body to avoid positive IDs
2. What that hand looks like once the 5 tips are removed and it has been floating in h2o
3. What it would look like if someone hand fought opponents to the death while naked
4. What a knife through the eye would look like
5. The distinction between throat slicing cuts done clumsy and awkward, versus the swift clean slice
And that is only a partial list!
The shock and awe perverse joke of extremes.
Seriously, in the end everyone was stupid.

The "truth" was the buried subplot of a young girl’s tragic existence revealed occasionally through brief journal excerpts. Her story left mostly unexplored or on the cutting room floor. One of my students this summer had a line that captured it well, “who cares what a fourteen year old girl has to say.” But i transgress into the heavy... and this is just another movie that was sick, twisted, and disturbing in all the ways that the genre generally is, with extra attention to detail.

But did you see the way he got that guy in the eye?! OMG!

Come on! It was “Aragorn” naked kicking butt and getting his butt kicked. (Don’t worry, I covered my eyes slightly!)
Granted, I would not have chosen to see Viggo in the buff in my top 100, if there was some sort of poll on that kind of thing ahead of time), but how often is the male physique in it’s entirety shown in R rated movies? I think “laws” about that kind of thing exist, or at least it seems that way.

However, all things considered, next time I might choose a comedy.

Limbo and Other Awkward Positions

I say that I like change, want to do new things, need different input/stimuli.
So now i stand at a major crossroads in regards to work, home life, and my art. The stage has been set for major transitions and the curtain is about to rise on the new phase of my life.

But, to continue with the metaphor, I feel like I haven't memorized my lines yet, or even got a copy of the script. The sound guy came with a boombox that only gets one radio station (that I don't like). The lighting has a mind of its own and seems stuck on flashing strobelight. Folks don't want to come unless they are on the guest list + 1. And the show premieres soon at a venue no one has ever heard of before. And the concessions people insist on serving everything pork, even though i don't eat it.

Or- like the game limbo, which involves people contorting themselves to walk underneath a stick, I am watching the bar drop lower knowing that somehow I have to squeeze through the gap in order to move to the next level. But my flexibility is shot and the person I am competing with has a double jointed back.

Or maybe I should go with the lighter interpretation of the term as used by Chubby Checker. Shouldn't life be a lot more like a fun party where everbody dances?

Let's look at the catholic meaning of "limbo" which describes innocent and righteous souls that haven't made their way to heaven since they weren't baptized. Well, my mom's side of the family is catholic, to varying degrees of follow through, and I have been to many a mass (well easily over a dozen) so this definition intrigues me. It presumes notions of guilt and innocence and involves a very judgemental god who insists you recognize his son in order to move spiritually forward. Fascinating and a bit male-centric.

Mind you I have very intriguing ideas on religion and spirituality, which I do share at times, but I am not in the business of converting other people. It is a spiritual philosophy of one, or the trinity of "me, myself and I". Pieces strung together from my own experiences and insights combined with my multifaceted family background and upbringing which includes Islam, Catholicism, Christianity and my name which is Hindu.

So, imagine if you will, an omnipotent, omnipresent being existing as creator and maintainer of the universe in which we live. That is a downright powerful position to be in, not to mention a post that would have required a serious qualifying resume! Would that Being really devote so much time to pursuits around OUR daily choices and afterlife location? Is that really the limited nature of the job description and duties? Thank god I am not God. Cause I thought my job was a pain! I'm just saying, if I was powerful like that, I wouldn't waste me time with people.

Family Fun: They Make Centers for It

Miniature golf blues and greens
contain ridiculous angles and too many putters.
Go-karts belch gaseous fumes
refusing to pick up speed.
Lazer tag battles duck and fire in a room with strangers.
My favorite lady sits ready for a mere token.
Ms Pac Man's set for high speed, but her joystick doesn't respond.

This evening's food brought to you by unwashed hands.
Refill my soda for free!
Poorly designed larger-than-life-sized puppets of outdated
cartoon characters sing to the room unrequested.
Rebellious machines swallow shiny coins with no intent to play.
Paint all the walls in bright colors!
Blur sound across cramped space and let it heighten
every frequency of shrieking and loud chatter.

Climbing walls of artificial design dangle children
strapped in for safe keeping.
Bumper boats provide showers,
to those aboard and those within range.
I embrace the madness, squealing with excitement.
The lines finally shorter now that it is 10pm,
I insist we ride around the track
one last time before we go.
Don't bother using brakes,
let's make the best of an unlimited pass.